The guy servicing me looked into my eyes, and with passionate confidence said I looked great.
He wasn’t servicing me like that you disgusting heathen!
Oh…context?
I was at Oakley looking for new sunglasses.
I hadn’t bought any for over a decade, and felt like it was time to stop wearing $20 gas station “Pug” brand sunglasses that my niece said made me look like a dragonfly.
Wait…is that a dis or a compliment?
She’s 20.
Who knows.
But really, the guy helping me look through the options said I looked “fabulous.”
…
The most irritating thing that happens in my brain is that I have absolutely no idea on what I look like to people.
I know, you’re asking why the f*ck I care…
I’ve never put as much effort into my clothes as I have everything else.
A simple wardrobe just makes getting ready fast.
And I know attraction is highly diverse in the eyes of women. Physicality is just a branch of the tree. And the ladies like to have lots of branches.
Seems spoiled to me…
…
I still have some insecurity about the way I look though.
What I know about my appearance:
I’m the size of a Hobbit (seriously).
I have a healthy physique due to lots and lots of gym reps and veiny flexes in the mirror.
I have dark enough skin that half of all people who publicly talk to me start a conversation in Spanish. “No habla español, bro”.
My eyes and hair are also brown.
So, all I know is that I’m a miniature brown pit-bull with soft eyes who likes to cuddle so hard its creepy.
Ask me what I like to wear and I’ll ask you, “to the gym or bed?”
Anyway, back to being serviced…
…
I have a small face.
Makes sense with a small body, right?
At least I’m proportionate…mostly.
Take that as you please, Reader.
So I’m looking for things that will fit my face. The “self-esteem promoter” helping me didn’t seem to agree with me though. Everything large I put on felt way too big for my face.
Have you ever stepped into your dad’s size 10 cowboy boots when you’re four? That’s exactly what it felt like with all the sunglasses he was putting me in.
Listen dude, I didn’t just get Lasik and I’m not Paris Hilton trying to hide in public.
Let’s just find something that fits my face.
And then I saw them.
…
Before you get judgy, let’s just be clear:
I’m practical. I’m also willing to swallow my pride for a good deal.
I’m so stubborn and skeptical, I don’t believe anyone trying to sell me something.
I will almost always choose the opposite of any suggestion… because it makes me feel good to be the rejector sometimes instead of the rejectee.
At half the price and a perfect fit…Oakley Holbrook XS.
*cough* …youth size… *cough, cough*
Boom.
Almost half the price and I don’t look like I’m hiding a magic mushroom trip.
Suck it Trebek.
…
The guy was actually super nice and patience.
Especially because I rejected everything he proposed. And to be honest, I should’ve trusted his opinion a lot more because gay guys from my experience tend to be far more honest.
Fabulously honest.
He made me laugh and he made me feel super confident. He asked me not just what I thought, but what I wanted in the perfect pair of sunglasses. He was letting me be me.
“Is that an erection?” said the man in the mirror…
But seriously?
My best hetero friends can’t even do that.
Not the erection part, the confidence boosting part!
You’re dirty, Reader.
…
What sunglasses shopping taught me was a good thing though.
No matter what you look like to other people, even though there’s a social perspective on what looks good fashionably and what doesn’t, we have to feel awesome about how we look.
It makes us walk more confidently, forget about if people care or not, and smile far more.
And if you do want help with fashion sense, find someone who you can be real with and ask their honest opinion.
Friend or a super flattering gay man.
Maybe I need a second pair…
Truth and Love, Reader.